The Fitbit Diaries: Day 11

I’ve hit a fitness plateau, where healthy eating and my typical levels of belligerent self-motivation don’t seem to be cutting it any longer. Maybe it’s turning the corner out of my twenties. Who knows? All I can say is that for some reason, the bright glowing numbers on an elliptical machine display at the gym motivate me like no other, so I got something to turn my daily activity into numbers.

Day 11

I got almost exactly a week from my first battery charge. It’s more than advertised (I think they say four days), and I’ve worn my wristband every moment I wasn’t in the bathtub. After tinkering around on the website, which has vastly more information than the clean and simple iphone app, I changed my sleep tracker to “sensitive,” then immediately changed it back when my sleeping habits went from looking reasonable to insane.

Regular sensitivity:

Above: sober sleep
Below: drunk sleep

Sensitive:

HOW DO I NOT REMEMBER THIS

Maybe it’s so sensitive it’s tracking my restlessness and Brian’s! (Note to self: test theory by adding third person to bed)

 

I’ve also received my first weekly summary email, and to be honest it was a mixed bag:

Thanks, JUDGY

First, I’d like to confess that my most active day was because we walked to (and then from) dinner (then to and from the bar). Does exercise really count if it’s instantly negated by a goddamned shake shack hamburger?

SHUT UP THAT’S WHY

Sets a pretty nice benchmark for an “active” day when your lifestyle is “sedentary”

I’ll be over here, pretending the remainder of my week (not nearly as active) was to give myself a control group, a baseline of activity for those days I just sloth around the house in the world’s rattiest pair of sweatpants and watch AMC. Apparently in addition to numbers, I’m motivated by grilled meats and expensive beers. I regret nothing (except my waistline), and I deserve a goddamned reward for the little “Nailed it!” icon above, because that means I didn’t reward myself with a coffee malt milkshake.

On the subject of rewards, the people at fitbit ought to give me a prize or a job or some swag, because two friends have already gone out and purchased fitbits as well. I am such a trendsetter.

Gotta go practice my taunting. I think it goes something like this: I have lost 1.7 pounds so far.