Tipsy the Prognosticator: American Horror Story ?6


People, I have nearly had it with this bullshit. Is it just me, or is American Horror Story almost boasting about their inability to pick a single concept and work it through start to finish in one season? What is this? Have they not even decided a name for the season? I get that “Murder House” was kinda a retroactive addition to bring S1 inline with “Asylum,” “Coven,” etc, but are we really just gonna call this one ?6? American Horror Story: We Don’t Fucking Know Either. The 30 second spot is titled “Illusion,” so maybe they’re going with that.

When I first started Tipsy the Prognosticator in 2012, AHS was doing actually informative promos, not non sequitur 15 second spots, so I was able to actually draw some educated guesses from the material.  This year I’m just going to make wild assumptions!

  • The show will be X-Files or Supernatural-esque, with a pair or team on a hunt across the country, instead of remaining in one fixed location. At least one member of our team will gaze deep into the mouth of madness, and probably lose. Maybe someone gets out alive, but god I hope not. The team skeptic will take natural pleasure in debunking superstitions with reason and rational thought, but is probably so blinded by their own smugness that they miss all the evidence to support myths in the first place.
  • There will be much talk about chasing the boogeyman. Surprise! Man is the real monster. But also monsters are the real monsters. We’re all monsters, really.
  • Aliens. Because they fucking love aliens. Remember Asylum? Yeah.
  • There’s a cult. Along the lines of the Village, maybe, isolated from the real world and living anachronistically. Hopefully with human sacrifice or demonic possession, and our probably alcoholic protagonist gets sucked in.
  • There’s a jar of human molars, in a very Cabin In the Woods-y basement.
  • A lot of interplay between perception and reality. You’re eating worms, Michael. How do they taste?
  • Something rapey probably happens. It’s not like there’s precedent with this show or anything.
  • The soundtrack continues to be amazing after Hotel’s incredible contribution
  • I get loaded and complain a lot on twitter.

What are your predictions? Also willing to accept bets on how many episodes I make it before rage quitting.

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